Blank Stares and My New Cult

Let's start with blank stares.

Ok, glad we got that out of the way.

So, it has recently come to my attention that I should start a cult. At first, I was only flattered, but now I am really seeing the upside of this.

According to wikipedia (which I admittedly used to troll before they blocked my I.P., bastards) a cult has to have ritualistic behavior. Ok. So, before I get to be a cult leader I have to make a ritual. Easy enough.

From now on, anyone in this cult must go door to door trying to get other people to leave their current religion to switch to ours. What did you say? Christianity already does that? Fuck

Ok... so everyone needs to...

shit.

We'll get back to that. What's next?

The temple for our cult is of course the internet. All the internet. Even when you're looking up disgusting porn... just remember that this internet is our temple, and I am always watching you. Always. For extra brownie points you can download a program where all the women's faces are replaced with mine. Wouldn't hurt you know.

Our shrine will of course be pictures of me. At every holiday, I'll send out a picture of me that you can photoshop your face into to send out to your family members. Of course, you'll need to keep one for yourself to put on your shrine. The shrine needs potatoes too. I fucking love potatoes. Like.. I will eat mashed potatoes with a side of french fries... or a baked potato.If there's gravy around that will be good, too. Maybe we can add some Tamarind soda?

I'll send everyone a lock of my hair to make your own Ivy dolls. If you want extra points in inflatable heaven you might want to make your Ivy idol out of a potato. Just a suggestion.

Then just throw up a couple of Yankee candles and we are set. Uh, I like the pumpkin/fall ones, but the scent can be your choice. If you really want to make it authentic, then you need to make it smell like Amber... I freaking love Amber. The smell, not the girl. i don't even know here. Are you crazy? I also wear these two perfumes: Chanel Chance, Burberry Brit and Quelquel Fleur.

So, basically you will all do as I say. That's totally a given though.

You can pretend the power comes from god if you want. Doesn't matter to me.

You will all be used as my sex army

...what else?

Oh!! Glitter!! Lots of glitter!!!

I don't really care too much about money... so as long as you guys pull enough out to pay my mortgage we should be good. Well, and the rest of my bills. You know I don't work.

So, in conclusion... potatoes. I really like em'.

WAIT!!!

Can I add that there should also be donations of cigarettes and coffee???!! I like those, too.

Just no Starbucks. Ick.

...and a fuckity fuck to you too

Blarg, it is then mate!!!

Fucking headaches are killing me. My insides are trying to become my outsides, and thats super fucking rude.

Pop culture.. whats going on there? Meh, who the fuck cares?? More about me, you say? Well, I shall be happy to oblige.

Best shows on tv right now are easily: Wilfred and Jon Benjamin has a Van. I get giddy excited in my little dark dungeon when i think of Thursday nights. I've finally taught the gimps how to use TiVo, so now I dont miss any of it.

Book I am reading: When Rabbit Howls. By Truddi Chase. This is the story of a woman with 92 personalities. Shes dead now... you know like all of the lucky people.

Best documentary Ive watched lately: Zizek! This is fucking brilliant. I freaking love Zizek. He is eccentric and brutally honest, and also one of the top 100 most brilliant people.

So, I smoke and drink coffee while watching documentaries and reading books... does that make me a douchebag? Meh. Yeah youre probably right.

What if I do all this while listening to The Stooges? I do you know. I love Iggy always and forever.

Hi ho.

*

Yup I said it

People are fucked up. I mean it. Seriously fucked up.

I would have that be the end of this blog, but hey, I have some time to kill.

I was watching this thing on John Wayne Gacy last night. It was one of those biography shows that comes on to tell you all the seedy details of the people you hate. Well I was watching this particular show and it was talking about when he was married to his wife. At this point he was already disposing of people under his house. His wife comments on the smell in the house. That seems natural. After all crazy lady there are several decomposing bodies under your home. I forget exactly what he says it is... but come on. Your husband is a weird clown. A clown. Do we need to ring all the bells, shoot flares and use flashcards?? Just seems like you might know something if you husband was a crazy killer clown molesting and burying men under your home. I dont know. Maybe its just me who thinks that....

Sorry all clowns. You guys get a bad rap, don't you?

So what else?

What other bit of information can I share to show how f'd people are in the head?
OH I KNOW...

forums for suicide people??? Seriously??
We want to have a bunch of emo gothic crazies banding together talking about how bad they have it, and that they should all commit suicide?? I have news for you people.... LIFE ISNT THAT BAD. I am sorry your boyfriend broke up with you, but get over it. In a year you will hardly remember and 5 years from now you will chalk it up to experience. There are people all over the world who don't even have a fraction of the good things you have, and you know what? They can manage to stick it out and live life. Life is a gift people. We are all here for a reason. Stop being so selfish and self righteous that you decide you cant take it. Get into counseling if you feel it is, indeed, that bad. Think of your families for Christ's sake. The last thing I would ever want my parents/spouse/child to go through is losing a loved one to suicide. Get a grip and stop wearing all that black eyeliner. Get out of the house. See a movie. Stop being stupid, and most definately do not talk others into doing it. Get away from the forums. I would link but I just cant share that kind of stupidity to the world. You will grow up one day and all these things will be a distant memory and you will look back and say," I am so glad I didn't do that"